


Close Enough

by posterchild



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cutting, Darkness Around Stiles's Heart, Depression, Derek Has Feelings, Derek and Stiles are Mates, Derek returns, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Derek Hale/Jennifer Blake - Freeform, Past Derek Hale/Stiles, Post-Episode: s03e12 Lunar Ellipse, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, Worried Scott, nematon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posterchild/pseuds/posterchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles had heard Deaton warn them about the darkness around their hearts as a result of the Nematon but it had seemed so trivial at the time. Stiles would have done anything to keep his dad safe. Then they forgot about the Nematon and moved on. Everything was normal and as close to perfect as it could be. Until it wasn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is literally my first complete Teen Wolf fanfiction and I wrote it over about three days, all during the wee-small hours of the morning when I couldn't sleep. I also wrote it all on paper to begin with, so if there's any mistakes please let me know! Also, I absolutely love Kudos so if you liked the story, I'd be so grateful if you left some! Thanks!

Stiles had heard Deaton warn them about the darkness around their hearts as a result of the Nematon but it had seemed so trivial at the time. Stiles would have done _anything_ to keep his dad safe. He was sure that with all his deceit and the lies he’d told there was already a darkness around his heart; jumping into a cold bath couldn’t possibly make it much worse.

When Derek and Cora left everything seemed to settle. Stiles was upset that they hadn’t even said goodbye but he understood why they had to leave; now the Darach was gone there was nothing keeping them in Beacon Hills, and if Stiles was honest, Derek could use the break. One night out of sheer curiosity Stiles tried calling Derek’s cell. The phone rung and rung until he was greeted with Derek’s voicemail; he hadn’t left one and he didn’t call again, figuring Derek needed his space. He had a lot of catching up to do with his sister after all.

Stiles, in the meantime had thrown himself into studying; his grades had slipped steadily since Scott got turned, and though exams were still a few months away he wanted to be prepared. Any spare time he didn’t spend studying he spent with his dad or Scott. They had a lot of lost time to make up for, and it was easy to lapse back into the friendship they’d had before the supernatural had taken over their lives. They forgot about the Nematon and moved on. Everything was normal and as close to perfect as it could be.

Until it wasn’t.

It was about two months before exams started and Stiles was sitting in his room munching a sandwich and studying when he felt _something_ jolt through his chest and settle between his ribs. He thought to call for his dad when he remembered his dad was away for a police conference. Scott would be asleep by now and things were going so well between them lately; Stiles couldn’t have Scott worrying about him. His next breath hitched and he tried to make himself yawn but it felt like his lungs were locked and his breaths stuttered and faltered until he was forced to breath out and repeat the process over again. He even tried holding his breath like Lydia had taught him, but that just made his heart slam harder in his chest and his vision waver, so he went back to trying to suck air through gritted teeth.

Stiles wasn’t sure what made him do it but before he could think he grabbed his switchblade out of his desk drawer (a present from Scott for his seventeenth birthday), flipped it open and dragged it roughly over his forearm a few times. He watched the blood bead up and drip down onto the desk, anchoring himself to the sharp pain until his breaths returned to normal and the ache in his chest faded into a manageable tightness. He patched himself up methodically and cleaned his desk before crawling into bed and resolutely _not_ thinking about the Nematon, because this was a one-time thing.

* * *

It wasn’t a one-time thing.

Stiles tried not to think about it. He could feel the darkness all the time now, but he couldn’t say anything; Scott and Allison were doing fine and Stiles couldn’t bring himself to drag them down with him. He told himself he’d only hurt himself when things got too much; when he was too stressed or when the darkness threatened to take over. Only, as time passed Stiles found himself relying more and more on the blade until he was cutting himself daily. Cuts in various stages of healing covered his body; from his shoulders to his wrists, thighs to ankles and on his ribs and stomach. It was remarkably easy to hide it too. Beacon Hills wasn’t exactly the warmest place to live so it wasn’t particularly strange to see Stiles wearing up to three or four layers at once, even at home. Plus he’d quit the Lacrosse team a while ago so he never had to change his clothes in front of anyone anymore. Luckily for him, his clothing masked the smell of blood, even to Scott’s new alpha senses.

Exams came and went; Stiles couldn’t really bring himself to care about them through the dense fog that clouded his mind. He’d go to school, doing his best to avoid his friends, then when he got home he’d make food for his dad for when he finished his shift, then he’d lock himself in his room to cut through the darkness and sleep, only to wake up feeling more tired to repeat the same thing all over again. The Sherriff went to another weeklong conference on the last Monday before summer break. As soon as he’d gone Stiles called himself in sick to school and crawled back into bed.

To say Scott was worried would be an understatement. Allison tried to reassure him that Stiles was just studying hard after she saw him in the library one lunch, but that was before exams and Scott wasn’t convinced. He’d tried texting and calling Stiles and he’d even tried knocking at Stiles’ house a few times with no answer. Now Stiles hadn’t been to school in two days and Scott was at his wits’ end.

* * *

Derek awoke to his phone chirping happily on the nightstand next to him. He groaned when he saw Scott’s name on the screen but he answered nonetheless.

“Scott, this better be good. It’s five in the morning.”

“Whoa, you actually answered.” Scott said, surprised.

“Well done. I’m going now,” Before Derek could hang up Scott spluttered for him to wait. Derek raised the phone back to his ear with a sigh, “What do you want, Scott?”

“It’s Stiles,” Scott breathed back, “There’s something wrong with him. It doesn’t look like he’s been eating or sleeping properly for weeks, and now he’s ignoring me. He hasn’t been to school in like three days!”

“Isn’t this something he should discuss with a medical professional?” Derek asked. He tried to sound annoyed but even Cora, who was now looking at him with a raised eyebrow, could hear the change in his heartbeat.

“I- I don’t think that would work,” Scott answered miserably, “When we took that ice bath to find our parents Deaton told us about this darkness that would surround our hearts. Me and Allison are unaffected so we went back to Deaton. He said we were okay because we’re mates but I think it’s gotten Stiles… You _have_ to come back, Derek. I know you two had a thing before you left. I don’t know exactly what it meant to you, but you’re the closest thing Stiles has. If you feel anything at all for him you’d come back.”

Derek looked over at Cora who was smiling back knowingly. With a long-suffering sigh Derek answered.

“Fine.”

Derek met Scott on the porch of the remains of the old Hale house. He was partly glad Cora had decided to stay in New York. He was pretty sure she’d be upset to see the house in this state. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind as he sat down heavily next to Scott and rubbed his palms on his jeans absently.

“Is there anything else I should know? Anything you didn’t mention on the phone?”

“Nice to see you too,” At Derek’s dark look Scott shook his head then peered at Derek curiously, “What about you? What exactly do- did you and Stiles have?”

Derek sighed and Scott could smell some emotion on him, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

“It was just sex,” Derek said, “Up until Jennifer. I had to let Stiles go, but when I tried with her it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t go through with it, so when everything was done with I left.”

“You left because of Stiles?” Scott asked slowly.

“I left _for_ Stiles,” Derek corrected quietly, “”We’re mates. I’ve known for a long time; since we were stuck in that pool together. That night was the first time we… I never told him because I couldn’t put that kind of pressure on a sixteen year old. I had to let him go before I lost control and told him.” Scott was staring at Derek with a mixture of sympathy and understanding but Derek could smell the anxiety rolling off him in waves. Derek stood resolutely and walked Scott to the Camaro.

Derek dropped Scott off at school just in time for the end of lunch. From there he drove to the Stilinski household, trying and failing to keep his heart steady. By the time he pulled up to the house his heart was racing. Derek didn’t want to admit it but he was nervous- more nervous than he’d been in a long time. He pushed his fear back and scaled the drainpipe, climbing onto the ledge outside Stiles’ window. It wasn’t difficult to break the latch and sneak in quietly. The room was the same as Derek remembered, if not a bit cleaner. Although it was daylight outside the room had a darkness to it that Derek didn’t like. Stiles was curled up asleep in his bed and the closer Derek got to him, the more smells assaulted his senses. Stiles’ misery slammed into him and he almost staggered back with the force of it. The emotional hurt almost overshadowed everything else, but Derek’s seasoned nose could pick out other smells; the guilt was a familiar scent that followed Stiles, but there was something else- something physical.

Gently Derek pulled the covers down to Stiles’ waist. He frowned hard at the hurt that radiated from Stiles’ arms, covered in layers of clothing that did nothing to hide the smell from Derek, pulled close to his chest in a subconscious display of protection. Derek sat on the edge of the bed and laid his palm on Stiles’ forehead. Mere seconds after the black began creeping through Derek’s veins Stiles’ eyes shot open and he rolled onto his back, grabbing Derek’s arm and wrenching it away from himself.

“What are you doing here?” Stiles ground out, “You shouldn’t be here. Get out.”

Derek was about to argue but he sighed instead, his gaze softening at the sight of the dark shadows framing Stiles’ eyes and the sharp cheekbones he remembered running his fingers over in a rare display of affection. Stiles looked like Hell. Luckily Derek could still smell the faint medicine smell that constantly followed Stiles so Derek knew he was still taking his Adderall. Suddenly Derek caught sight of a flash of orange under Stiles’ pillow and he grabbed at it quickly, pulling it out and studying it. Stiles had gone very still as Derek read over the name, _‘Claudia Stilinski’_ and checking the contents of the bottle before holding it in front of Stiles’ face.

“Have you taken any of these? I can’t smell it on you.” Derek’s blood went cold as Stiles closed his eyes with a pained expression.

“I haven’t taken any. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

“Jesus, Stiles.” Derek breathed. He put the bottle down gently on the nightstand, mentally reminding himself to take it away with him when he left.

“Why are you even here?” Stiles asked, his voice wrecked. Derek paused then sat on the bed, resting against the headboard.

“Scott called me. He told me about the Nematon and the darkness. I came back for you.” Stiles sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“Why did you leave?” Stiles croaked through his tears, “I thought after we… I thought you left because of me,” Stiles dried his eyes and cleared his throat, “I’m sorry you lost Ms. Blake. I know you liked her.”

Derek clucked his tongue and curled his fingers into Stiles’ hair, “I had to stop what we had for your sake… The darkness you feel, how bad is it right now?”

“It feels… eased,” Stiles replied, pulling himself up and resting his head on Derek’s shoulder, “This is the first time I’ve cried. It feels good.”

Derek laced his fingers with Stiles’ and began leeching the rest of the pain he couldn’t earlier, “I had to stop what we had because we’re mates. I couldn’t tie you down to me like that, and I’m not going to force you to now. The reason Scott and Allison weren’t affected by the Nematon is because as mates they stayed together. And even if you don’t want it, I won’t leave you again.”

Stiles slowly hooked his leg over Derek’s so they were face to face. Wordlessly he removed the layers of his clothing, not breaking eye contact with Derek once, “Why would you be mates with this?” Stiles dropped his hands into his lap and Derek let his eyes roam over Stiles’ body. He tried to keep his expression neutral but it was impossible when he saw the sheer amount of scars that littered Stiles’ body. Finally his eyes settled on the gauze wrapped around Stiles’ left forearm. With feather-light touches Derek unwound the gauze, exposing the newest damage Stiles had done to himself. The cuts had stopped bleeding hours ago, leaving rusty scabs in their wake. The skin was hot when Derek pressed his lips to the lines, but thankfully not hot with infection. When Derek looked up at Stiles’ face he was taken aback to see Stiles staring back at him through half-lidded eyes with his head back and neck bared in submission. Derek wanted to remind Stiles that he wasn’t an alpha anymore, but he realized that the sentiment was different to Stiles. Instead, Derek leaned forward and latched his lips to Stiles’ neck; not kissing, just finding Stiles’ natural scent- the scent he’d been craving for so long.

“What- what if I want to be your mate?” Stiles said quietly, “What if it’s all I’ve wanted since that night at the pool?”

Derek huffed out a laugh against Stiles’ neck, “Then I’d say we’ve wasted a lot of time up until now.”

Stiles rested his hands on Derek’s shoulders and pushed him back before dipping down to meet Derek’s lips.

* * *

Stiles awoke to the feeling of soft kisses peppering his face and he slowly opened his eyes to see Derek smiling down at him, the morning sunlight bathing him in a soft glow.

“Morning,” Derek murmured, “You have to see Deaton in an hour.” Stiles groaned and shook his head with a pout.

“Can’t I just stay here with you today? I don’t wanna get up.”

Derek ran a hand through Stiles’ hair with a frown, “Is today a bad day?”

“No,” Stiles smirked, “You’re just better looking.”

Derek chuckled and placed a chaste kiss to Stiles’ lips, “You have to go. It’s one thing for us to be together, but you have to talk about it; you’ve got to get it all out. Plus you said you’d help with the animals today.”

“You’re not my alpha,” Stiles stuck out his tongue, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“True,” Derek hummed thoughtfully, “But as your partner and your _mate_ I can ask you to go, for me?”

“Fine!” Stiles moaned. Derek flashed a toothy grin and made to go downstairs, shouting back the promise of bacon for breakfast.

Stiles sighed contentedly as he rubbed absently over the silvery raised scars on his arms. Things weren’t perfect, and they probably never would be, but they were close enough.


End file.
